*Warning: This is about as coherant as I could get right now. Not usually like this, but I had to write*
Have you ever watched something die?
It's never pretty. It's ugly, in fact. It's usually slow and ALWAYS painful for at least one of the parties involved.
Now...have you ever been the reason that something died? I'm sad to say that I have. And the poor recipient...is me.
You see...the past few months I have had a choice before me. Life or death. In too many instances I've chosen death. Death to the point that some pieces of me are completely unrecognizable. "I don't know weather to scratch my watch or wind my butt!"
I've watched and chosen to let life slip from me. Out various avenues.
It hasn't been pretty.
It has been ugly, in fact.
It has always been painful.
So I've been trying to muddle thru what really matters. To choose life, as hard as it is when everything around me looks so different. But the hardest thing I've found in choosing life is that I also have to choose death...death to myself.
But why, Lord? Why am I having to die to myself? Why do I have to when it's just not fair?
You don't wanna know the answer to that one. It was a tough pill!
And so the choices I have wanted to make were replaced by one of the many life/death choices I've had to recently make. And guess what?
It was not pretty.
It was ugly, in fact.
And it hurts.
And as try to muddle more and more the next few weeks/months thru everything inside, guess what?
It will still not be pretty.
It will still be ugly, in fact.
And it will hurt!
But He who started a good work in me has promised to see it completed!
Stinky death and all.