Thursday, February 17, 2011


*Disclaimer: This is an "As I Ramble" with a note for my kids.*

Loss is hard! Doesn't matter what it is, it all invokes feeling that you wished you never had to feel.

For instance...
Lost Keys = Frustration with Yourself
Lost Pet = Extreme Sadness (and kids crying)
Lost Mind = That's a WHOLE other ball game!
Lost Loved One = Sorrow
Lost Trust = Anger

I could go on and on. But a few situations recently have really made me think on how much loss really stinks and causes one emotion that I usually am pretty good at suppressing.


See...I was raised by a woman who kept my life in constant turmoil and heartache. Nothing that a mother should be to her daughter. For 13 years. So as my defense mechanism, my guard is always up to keep heartache at bay. And in 29 (with 3 years experience) years of perfecting that defense mechanism, I've gotten amazing at it. I can detach and separate situations from my heart real easy before it ever gets too deep. Sometimes people think I'm callous, but I'm not. I am just not letting the situation touch the heart for a reason.

But right now I can put my finger on a number of things that I have lost recently that are causing my heart to ache. An idea, a comfort and a love of something. And it's my fault, really...for letting that wall down in these areas.

But man...not having felt the loss of something in a really long time I think makes the actual heartache that much harder to bear.

But this too...shall pass...

And kids...
Baby Girl...sometimes the only thing that helps is to cry.
Baby Boy...sometimes you just need to hold her and let her cry.

Just like Daddy does for me...


Andrea said...

I understand. I wish I didn't feel anything at all. Love you.

Mandy said...

Luke 6:21