Thursday, August 19, 2010

It Never Really Gets Any Easier

There are the highs and lows of parenting. There are days when you don't think your head can take anymore of the whining or the mouth or the fighting in the back seat. There are days when you think your heart just might explode with pride if one more person tells you just how awesome your kiddos are. There are days when your kids blow you out of the water with the level a maturity that comes out of their mouths. There are days when you revert back to being a giggling school kid because what they just said was the most immature but funny thing you've heard in a while. There are days when your wrist has the likings of carpal tunnel from all of the applied understanding to the seat of learning. There are days when your eyes are puffy because God used your kid to teach you something.

And then there are days that you wished would never have come and yet are excited to see all at the same time. Days that speed up the growing process just a little too much for this Momma's heart. Days that if they didn't come would be cause for great concern. But days that at the same times CAUSE great concern when you realize more will come. Tougher ones just like it will come. Days that if they didn't come would mean I wasn't the Momma God designed me to be.

I've had two under my belt. Here and Here was the first one, and here was the second one. (Warning: Read all three of those links with some Puffs around.) Today makes three, and guess what? They don't get any easier.

The first day of the 2nd Grade. And you will notice one thing majorly different.

I'm not there.

It was difficult to make this choice. If you even glanced at my 2 links above you will see that I was there for both this:

Kindergarten (MAN to be that skinny again!)

...and this:

1st Grade

I wanted to take off today and do this all again. Especially since she is at a new school (let's show a little Eagle Pride!!!) But there is one thing I've learned since this whole thing started. You know...the whole growing up.

I'm her security blanket.

I know...I know. You're probably calling me a horrible parent right now. But I don't care. Because I'm not. God has gifted me with her with the express purpose of raising her to be a Godly young woman. That means I'm raising an adult. Not a child. I know her personality (and mine) enough to know that as apprehensive as she is to start at this new school today, she would not be anywhere near as confident if I were to walk in with her.

So, Hubs gets the duty this morning. Actually, right now...she is there. Eating breakfast. My heart is heavy because I want to sit beside her and give her a pep talk and point out all the exciting things in front of her. To walk by her side into her class room and encourage her every step of the way.

But I can't. I won't. Why? Because I'm slowly still pulling back that bow with my sweet Belle as the arrow. I have prepared her this far, she can do it. I know her. And any of you that know her know she is about to rock Mrs. Bolin's year.

And as she finally fell asleep (after tossing and turning and flipping and flopping) and as I heard Hubs snoring quietly next to me last night and as these pictures flashed thru my head:

All she needs is some side pony and she'd be me in the 2nd grade

Whewey! This kills me right here

2nd Grade all the way!

...the tears began to flow around 11:15 last night. I sang her our song. The song that I sang almost the moment she was born. Then every other time we were having "our moments". Then every time her sweet little voice asks. And last night...she asked. My heart broke and I sang:

Tell me why, the stars do shine
Tell me why, the ivy twines
Tell me why, the sky's so blue
And I will tell you, just why I love you

Because God made, the stars to shine
Because God made, the ivy twine
Because God made, the sky so blue
Because God made you, that's why I love you

Yes, my darling 2nd Grader. That's why. I love you. Have an awesome day and I can't WAIT to see you in 8 hours...


Kelly said...

You are such a good mama to her Billie! And I fully believe you that it will NEVER get any easier.

Can't wait to hear about her day!!

Alison said... have as the saying goes...given her roots and wings! She is awesome and I can't wait to see her tomorrow night!

BTW...I need to share that I am super excited about the accessories on her headbands these days...since being around her as a know I have waited for this time to come!! LOL!!!

Mandy said...

This made me cry. I know this is probably going to be one of the longest days of your life until you can get home to her this evening. God blessed you with her, but he also blessed her with you.

The Proctors said...

I just teared up too! I bet she is having the best first day of 2nd grade! You are an awesome mama!

Rebecca said...

I'm's so hard to think of your children growing up but that's what they are supposed to do. Happy First Day of 2nd of grade to Belle! :) Hugs!