My friends.
My own kids.
My Man.
My parents (which my daddy isn't much taller than me)
Just about anyone I come in contact with comments on how short I am. Especially when they see me next to my 6' tall Man or my kids who are almost as tall as me.
Guess what? I AM short! It's no big secret. I just like to get all worked up and argue (which doesn't surprise most of those who know me).
And we'll just settle this...I'm 5'3/4". Done.
But as I was wiping up my dry erase board today in my office, and laughing at all the short comments, something hit me.
Just how short I really am.
But not so much physically.
And that birthed in my heart something that I needed to write here, since I print these blog posts into booklets for my kids to read one day.
An open letter to my kids:
I can remember when I was preggers with you, Baby Girl. I was about 7 months preggers and sitting in our old church pews. Wayne was preaching and I was just too uncomfortable to even sit there much longer. As the sermon came to a close and the invitation began, a friend came and took my hand and asked if they could pray with me. When we got down there, she began to pray for me and for you.
Her prayer was that since I did not really have a mother to set an example for me, that I would rely on God to show me and the women currently in my life to encourage me. But most importantly that I would remember that God gave you to ME. Messed up, past riddled with despair and disgust and brokenness, but God-created me. I was already going into this motherhood thing falling short.
How many more times were ahead of me?!?!?!
I've messed up more times than I can count. There are still instances and situations that come to my mind that if I dwell on them long enough will take me to tears! I've. Messed. UP! Fallen short. Many times. But then again, I've stood so tall with each of you in situations that still absolutely blow my mind! I'm humbled and grateful that you belong to me and that I have had the opportunity to share in these times with you both. And then while most folks might call my ways unconventional or wrong or whatever, I know that God DID give you to me to raise. And I've done the best I could by both of you.
But the last couple of weeks, I consider myself falling short on you. Baby Boy...you may not remember but Baby Girl, you will. I've just plain fallen short, and I'm sorry. I love you both so very much and while I'm sure this won't be the last time I fall short on you two, I do pray in the end you will be able to one day "rise up and call me blessed!"
And this is one area of shortness, that I do not take lightly. Because you deserve a Momma who not only can admit to you when she is wrong and fallen short on you, but also a Momma who is not willing to stay there. A Momma who will fight back to stand tall and be the one God created just specifically for you!
Standing Tall,
Mommy
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