Hi, My Name is Billie and I Ain't Even Shamed

So, apparently after 14 years of being together, My Man has had some sort of mental disease that must have caused him to think he is married to some normal human being rather than me.

I chalk it up to the testosterone.

You see...tomorrow afternoon is Baby Boy's birthday party. We don't actually purchase our kiddos any gifts for their birthdays. We just give them parties they will remember for the rest of their lives with games and full food and hours of entertainment.

AKA--Parties that cause my checkbook to writhe and cry in pain.

But 12 parties down so far have proven to me why this is the best choice for us. They both (as well as their little friends) love to talk about their parties all the time.

So with this being our 13th party, let's review, shall we?

Baby Girl:
1st--Come See How I've Grown
2nd--JoJo's Circus
3rd--Knights & Princesses Ball
4th--Luau
5th--Gymnastics
6th--Fashionista
7th--PJ Party
8th--Travel Around the World

Baby Boy:
1st--come See How I've Grown
2nd--Baseball
3rd--Safari Hunt
4th--Wild Wild West
5th--Coming Soon!

Well, anyone who knows me knows that every single one of these parties has come with it's very own Excel file. Within said Excel files are things like, invitees with the total count, decoration ideas, food preparation, lists of what to bring from the house, shopping lists, games/activities and accompanying information for such, assignments that have been given to other people who have volunteered to do/bring something, etc. And I can safely say I have never had an uh-oh moment with my trusty Excel sheets at my side.

Now, when I am working up these parties in my head, I have a snapshot in said head of how I plan to set everything up in the room we are using. Some things may get changed around, but for the most part it is already all worked out. So the last thing within most of my Excel sheets is something akin to a map. A layout of the room and drawings of where everything goes and what goes there. YES it feeds my OCD, but it also helps because I usually have people around who want to help set up and it just makes it easier.

(Those of you who helped me move...do y'all remember the room schematics hanging on the walls to help you know where to walk in and put all the furniture? Huh? Huh? Made life easier didn't it? Huh? Huh? Thankyouverymuch!)

But here's the thing...last night I have my OCD sheets in hand and am gathering everything for the party that I can. I'm flipping thru them and land on said schematic. My Man BUSTS UP LAUGHING at me. I said, "What?" He said, "You have a map...a drawing of how everything is to be set up?" I didn't flinch and very confidently said, "Yes. Do you have a problem with this?"

His response? He touches my paper and says, "This honey...is sick."

Excuse me? 14 years of your life has been run by Excel files and Visio drawings and I have never heard you complain! Family trips with zero frustration, budgets and bills set on projected schedules, the afore mentioned flawless house move, just to name a few.

It made me think of this clip from a talk show that when I sent it to him, he changed my name to Leah. I just shook my head at him and said, "She is now my hero."


(Note: They really are best friends.)

I should confess...I did similar (the planning part) the 2 times we've taken the kids to Disney. And I ain't even shamed. Our trip was flawless! The first time we did all 3 parks in 1 day and Baby Girl saw everything she wanted to (she was 3 and Baby Boy was 3 weeks). The 2nd time was 4 full days and it was magical!

I am for hire.

Footnote: In case you are wondering, My Man IS still alive, but He's still under the grace period at this point so anything could still happen.