Monday, February 6, 2012

Heart Friends

My Girl and I were discussing friends the other day. How people toss the word 'friend' around like it's a football. How people who you thought were your friends really weren't. How some (most) people don't even know what it really means to BE a friend. And that the hardest part of it all is the moment when you learn that.

My Girl has begun to learn that hard lesson. She began to get very frustrated as we talked thru what being a friend really means and for each side of that coin. How being a friend means being willing to put your heart out there and trust them with it. Having a friend means holding someone elses heart in your hands. It means tears. It means laughing. It means having fights and rushing to make up. It means hurting each other deeper than anyone else. It means loving each other deeper than anyone else. It means knowing the exact person you need to call or text when the going gets tough or when you are so excited you are about to explode! It means being able to sit in a room with that person and not say a word, but know exactly what the other one is feeling.

So why was she frustrated?

Because she began to realize that no one in her life was that way. Yes, my 9 year old. She was watching another "friend" surrounded by people, but was commenting on how "superficial" it all seemed. But then on the flip side began to literally cry because she just wanted to be like that. Until we began to talk deeply about what it really means to have friends vs being popular for all of those superficial reasons. About how it feels great at the time to be surrounded by something like that, but at the end of the day they will be left feeling empty...IF they are willing to dig down deep.

But then she made a statement that threw me off: "But Momma...I just wanna be like you...popular...funny...someone who EVERYONE loves!"

Back that train up sister. Things couldn't be farther from the truth.

We settled in to talk about all of the above. And how because of my personality, I choose to not care what people think about me. When I was about her age, I made that decision. Does that mean I never failed at that? No. But for the most part, I lived my life and didn't try to fit a mold or say all the right things or look a certain way just look like everyone else or keep up with them. I was me. Take me or leave me. Not in a rude way, but just in a self preservation way. And it got me to thinking about the people in my life who fit that mold. And most of those people, of course, didn't show up until later in my life when I realized how caddy women can really be. So My Girl and I talked about what I call "my heart friends" (you know...those who you KNOW care about your heart more than anything else)

My Man
She laughed at this and said, "Well of COURSE he's your heart friend. You married him!" But I took this time to explain to her that we don't have to be. That there are lots of husbands and wives who just co-exist. But that after 14 years I can say...her my friend. He would lay down everything and anything for me. But I didn't find him until I was 18.

Becky and Lori
The one in the middle...that's her "Aunt Becky". We were college roomates. Didn't hit it off real well at first, but quickly became soul sisters. I would trust her with anything and so would my kids.

The one in the hat...that's Lori. To the Grave. The End.

She's on the right. We met at work when I was 20 and she was 19. We have literally been thru hell and back together and have learned so much about life through it. Together. She was also there when both of my kids were born. They call her "Nana".

She's on the far right. That woman has poured into me for 11 years now. She has taught me what it means to BE a REAL friend no matter what. She has taught me what it means to be a mother and a wife despite everything else that tries to come against it. She has taught me what fakeness can get you. Absolutely nothing! And I trust her with anything and everything.

Now back to Belle

She laughed when I said she was my heart friend too. She and I have the funnest and yet most hair pulling out relationship and I wouldn't trade it for the world! But she said that I don't count at HER heart friend because I HAVE to love her.

Not true, sweet baby. And I recounted the story of my birth mother.

She and I go back the farthest! We became best friends in high school. We have been thru more good and bad memories than I care to count! But that girl...she has my back! And I have hers. And when we get together even now, we don't just relive the past. We have the best time in the now!

And when I brought her up, My Girl squealed! She said..."I have my very own heart friend!"

She is Mandy's daughter. They are the same age and have literally grown up together. Even though we don't get to see each other all the time, they still have a deep connection. Just like their mothers, really. But when My Girl says "But momma...we never get to see each other."

I said...that's the best part! You know it's a heart friend when even if you don't see each other much, you know they will ALWAYS be there no matter what!

And that's when she said...
I don't need what the others have. I have a heart friend. Who loves me for me and I love her for her and no one can take that away.

Wise words from a 9 year old girl.

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